His What Ifs
by kieselguhr
Summary: He wished for oblivion and his sufferings to stop. But, what if things do not go according his way? What if he was given a chance to live a new life again? Could it be considered a blessing? Or a continuation of his never-ending remorse?
1. Chapter 1: His Fall

**CHAPTER 1: His Fall**

A man who had recently fell into his demise was left to emptiness. His body was lifeless and cold. It was really his end. However, the feelings of agony and guilt are still lingering inside the him. All he can feel is the coldness of where he is lying. It was indeed cold like his heart that was covered by sharp debris of ice due to pain.

His dream to be Goryeo's ruler was never fulfilled and only lasted as a selfish wishful thinking of his. He never wanted to reign in the first place. It was for his family, for the person to whom he had given his heart. He was subservient to people who left him behind. Up until the end, he was lonely. The brightness of his sweet smile on his face and heart's kindness was never painted all throughout his painful journey. He was always giving his heart away, yet he still committed mistakes - he was just hurt in the end. Whatever choice he took, he ended suffering anyhow. He was never meant to be happy. The life he lived is like a pair of shackles that jailed him into sadness.

If ever the Deity is going to give him another life to live, he wished to forget all the things he had. He wanted to throw away all his mistakes, his heart's sufferings, his longing for love - his everything.

He suddenly opened his eyes and saw a radiating light passing through his eyes. His skin shivered due to the rink of ice where he was lying. The numbness was felt all-over his body. He wanted to stand up, but his energy was seeped out from his body.

"Please let me vanish in this world of cruelty and pain... Please I beg of you," his plead turned into tears.

He then continued, "I don't even mind turning into ash. Just stop this excruciating pain. I wanted to stop this...treacherous life. I don't even need a second life. What I need is to completely disappear in this world. The world does not need a worthless being as I am."

The man didn't know what to feel. Just like the place his was currently staying, he felt nothing but empty. He just closed his eyes, hoping he will never wake up ever again.

 _"I accept that I lost. I have fallen into my defeat."_

The carpet of ice on the groud melted as the moon covered the sun with a ring of bloody-red darkness.

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-/-

 _[A/N] I do not own anything regarding Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo. This is purely a fanfiction. Correction of typo errors would be done next time. I'll appreciate it if you'll help me locate them. Feel free to give your comments, violent reactions and feedbacks. Kamsa hamnida 😉._


	2. Chapter 2: Her Unanswered Queries

**CHAPTER 2: Her Unanswered Queries**

 _A noble-looking woman is trying to practice her skills in writing as a man who looks as prim and proper as she is, went towards her. He was smiling while watching the adorable woman who is trying to learn how to write._

 _It is obvious that she is struggling, she didn't know that she is worse than an illiterate being. If she wasn't transported there unexpectedly, she wouldn't be as bad as this. In fact, she's neither a good nor a bad student on her own time. But, she is not as worse as she is at the moment. She cannot be considered even as an average (the way she can rate herself is in her true world) when it comes to knowledge in Goryeo. How can she be a court lady for pete's sake? Indeed, her life turned upside down in this crazy era._

 _Her hands are quite familliar with the Hanja characters. However, she is like a clueless geologist who cannot decode and understand a single syllable of whatever she is writing._

 _"I'll get through this," she told herself._

 _The man said as he held her hand to guide her in writing, "Soo-ya..."_

 _She just looked at the man with a completely dazed expression. How fortunate she is that a man, a prince like him is willing to patiently help her mend her stupidity, to be exact._

 _His right hand was helping her right hand, while the other one was on her left shoulder. She can't help but feel uncomfortable, but happy at the same time._

 _"Draw it down like this," he instructed without looking at her as he finished helping her write a word._

 _He continued, "It's the Amur Adonis plant. It is a medicinal plant that helps if used well, but can also be poisonous."_

 _She looked down when his gaze turned to her, "Uh...I see..."_

 _"This," the prince mumbled as he gets another parchment paper to teach her write another word. He guided her hand once again and started to do some calligraphic strokes. This time she was more focused on learning._

 _"What is this character?"_

 _"My name." He looked at it before intently looking through her eyes and continued, "Wook... It means the sun rising in the morning."_

 _The woman was amazed and stared at it for a while and repeated his words, "The sun rising in the morning, Wook."_

 _The prince can't help but smiled looking at her amazed expression._

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The young woman who was sleeping soundly was awoken by her mother's loud yell. She stayed awake the whole night and drank a lot of soju all by herself.

"GO HA JIN! WAKE UP! YOU RECKLESS KID!"

"Aigoo ya! Eomma, you don't have to bark this early in the morning."

The old woman hit her head hardly as she unbelievably asked, "Bark? Such a bastard!"

"Owwww! That hurts!" she complained as she scratches her head.

"Are you sober now?! I didn't know that you being a fool out of your bullsh*t ex-boyfriend and snake friend which made you broke was the worst that had happened to you. Aigoo! You became more bankrupted when you were deadly comatosed for 2 years. How could you be as unlucky as this?"

The young woman's eyes became dull as she turned her gaze down, "Then you should have just let me die."

"Yahh! How could you be so dramatic? Did the nails and screws inside your head became loose when you drown yourself at the park? You saved a boy yet you cannot save yourself from ruins!"

"Ne...ne... Eomma, will you just leave me alone? I can get through things alone. You're making me feel worse."

"Yah! You ingrate kid! How could you say that?"

"Jebal nal jom honja nae boryeo dwoyo."

"MWORAGO?!"

She sadly said before looking away, "I hate to say this, but just go."

"Tschhh! I'm not gonna meddle on your affairs anymore."

"One more thing. Refrain from going here if you don't want your life to be messed up by those people whom I owed money to."

Her mother just rolled her eyes before angrily stepping out of the house and slammmed the door.

She just shuffled her hair and scowled," Arggggh! Go Ha Jin! You're screwed! DAMN THIS LIFE!"

Things were never going her way ever since she was born. There is not a single thing that happened according to her plans. Family, hers is such a mess. Love life? Worse than her family. Work? She was unemployed ever since she resigned 2 weeks ago due to her so-called 'health problems'. Money? People are still chasing her due to her f*ckin debts.

The only thing that had happened quite smoothly after she had wake up is her studies. Luckily, she was able to finish her college degree. Good thing that her aunt has great concern to her ever since she 'woke up from the grave'. She was able to accomplish her remaining one and half year on her B.S. Nutrition and Dietetics course. What she really wanted to pursue has something to do with cosmetics, but things were not possible due to resources constraints. For her, what matters is she was able to receive her diploma.

The young woman kicked her blanket and and shuffled her hair hardly, "Aigoo! I'm so fed up. You are such a fool. Why did you live again?! " she yelled before her vague dream flashed inside her mind.

"Who is that woman and man? Are they a couple? This is making me insane. Why does that bother me so much? Dodaechae wae?"

She sat back on the couch as she touched her chest. A pang of longing and sadness made her tear a little. She had always been like that ever since she woke up from her deep slumber. She felt that she lived during those days but on a different setting, on a different situation. It was deeply ambiguous for her to understand things that had happened. In herself, the young woman believed that there were erased memories, but to no avail. Questions like, 'What is it that I have forgotten?' and 'Who are those people making me sad like this?' always come into her mind all of a sudden. It's like a piece of herself was lost after a long process.

Actually, she didn't even care about her ex-beau and ex-bestfriend anymore who tricked her until she's broke way back before. It was certain on her that they are not the probable 'suspects' of her jiving behaviour. She even have forgotten already what they have done, except when those people to whom she borrowed money come to her and ask her to pay what she owed. She'll curse and shout endlessly and act like nothing happened. After that, she'll feel down for no reason again. Maybe her mom says the truth. Perhaps, the screws and nails in her head had loosen after she almost died 2 years ago. Her denial would only give her temporary comfort from her sudden panic attacks and fluctuating moods. She always keep on going back to the place where everything stopped, the park. She is often staying there whenever things become complicated for her.

Although unable to look for answers, without any doubt, her unusual feelings are always pacified by the said place. Honestly, she's planning to go there on that day. It became her addictive hobby.

Is she really fortunate to be able to miraculously live again? Or would it be better for her to sleep again and find the answers to her questions? Perhaps, she'll be able to find whatever it is she is finding.

"Who are they exactly?"

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-/-

 _[A/N] Correction of typo errors would be done next time. I'll appreciate it if you'll help me locate them. Feel free to give your comments, violent reactions and feedbacks. Kamsa hamnida 😉._


	3. Chapter 3: Jamais vu

**CHAPTER 3: Jamais vu**

The young woman was seating on the ground as she passively gulps down a bottle of soju. It was a habit for her to visit the park, particularly the pond while having a drink. Things were really mysterious ever since she drowned 2 years ago. She would sulk per usual while asking herself for questions that would always remain unanswered.

"Bullsh*t. Just bullsh*t! Hahahaha. Am I insane? Why does it seem to be weird? Are there no other people around? Where are they?" she crazily laughed at herself.

It was quite strange that she rarely can see someone everywhere. The place is creepily silent.

Good thing, a shabby-looking man sat beside her and looked at her. She doesn't even bother even if he was carrying his stained and dirty stuffs with him. As long as she has a company with her, she will be able to fight off the strange feeling she had at that moment.

"Ahjusshi, do you want my drink? I'm sorry that this is what I only have. I am such a sly drunkard, you know."

The man just gulped and did not bother to answer her.

"Hahaha. Here. Don't worry. I'm quite full. It's my 10th bottle actually," she assured as she hands him a bottle of alcohol.

He muttered while receiving the drink. "Gomap..seumnida."

She said bitterly, "You know what...This place is strange. Anio... Anio... Two years ago was completely strange. I just don't know what, why and how. And that's too painful to handle."

He just indifferently listened to her sentiments and looked straightly on the pond.

"I don't know what life wants to tell me. Before, I wasn't interested but I actually am now. Crazy, right?"

Unexpectedly, the man replied vaguely to her. "Life is indeed insane. Things disappear and go back to where they were. Perhaps, they would come back more different compared to what they were before. People who wronged you will come back to change their deeds. Mistakes will either be repeated or corrected. That's how fate in life works. It is not a repetitive cycle, instead it is a changing one. Stories do not end abruptly just like that. They can be continued as long as a heart longs for it. Who knows? You might end up being happy in the end unlike before."

She was quite befuddled by his words. Indeed, fate is playing tricks with her. Everything seems to be hidden and it's driving her insane.

"Young woman. I need to go now. Be patient enough and you will get the things you were looking for. It's a matter of patience and acceptance," the man spoke as he stood up.

He continued before walking back. "Thanks for the drink by the way."

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"He's quite weird, actually. Never mind," her words ended up in a big sigh.

While watching the calm pond, the rain suddenly poured.

The woman cursed under her breath as she stood up and covered her head using her bag.

"Waaahhhh! F*ck it! Damn!"

The woman was about to leave when she saw someone floating on the pond. Her eyes widened in shock.

She panicked, "OMO! OMO! Is that a man? Omo! Anyone here?! Help him! Save that man!"

Strangely, no one answered her. Such even seemed to happen before. Nonetheless, her memory doesn't help her recall anything. She cannot remember what the sad familiarity of things is all about.

Her finger pointed in fear. "Help that man!"

She's afraid that the man might die so she had no choice, but to jump off the water in order to save him. After a while, she was able to bring him out of the water. Little did she know that she was quite strong.

"Mister, are you dead? Wake up!"

The man wondered inside his mind, "What is that? Why am I still alive? Alive? Dead? I don't understand."

"Sir. Wake up! Please do so."

He shrugged off whatever he is hearing and feigned ignorance.

The 8th prince is supposed to be dead. It is not possible for him to be alive at such state.

But he wondered, _"Why am I supposed to be dead? 8th prince? Who is the 8th prince?"_

"Wake up now. Please!" The woman begged as she put her palm on top of his nose and listened to his heartbeart.

 _"Omo! Is he dead for real? Wait? Hell no! What do they call that? Ummm. CPR? Ooooh...This is so awkward. I barely know him and...Ya! He's gonna die if I won't do that."_

She shook her head hardly. The woman had no choice but to pinch the man's nose and do the necessary deed to do.

The man was surprised with her actions which made him open his eyes which made the woman flinch and stop whatever she's doing. He gasped heavily for air as his deranged life became bridged again.

His vague vision turned to clear little by little. The face of the innocent looking woman who saved his life was caught by his sight. His head was still on her lap as they both gazed on each other. He felt like his heartbeat stopped for a while.

"Uh...This is quite awkward. Uhghh... Mister, gwaenchanayo? Should I bring you to the hospital? Is your head hurting? Is there something that hurts or what? Malhaejusseyo."

"My heart..."

"What? Ohhh... Yes, I think I understand what you are saying," she covered her mouth with her hand.

"I guess I pumped your chest to hard. I'm sorry that I have to do that. It's just that I had no choice... And... And... I thought you'll gonna die... And... I thought you were...dead..." She continued as her words suddenly ended into loud sobs.

The man was quite taken aback. He was supposed to ask her a lot things. His mind seemed to be empty. He cannot remember a single thing. His eyes wondered around the place. It was a park with a pond. But he didn't know why he was there. Or even who he was. Well, that's quite absurd but true.

He gently removed his head from her lap, and sat beside the woman while she was covering her face with both of her hands and crying loudly. Gentle but awkward taps on her shoulder was involuntarily (perhaps) done by his hands. Such event seemed to be awfully familliar to him, but he just shrugged off his thoughts. What he knew is that he needed to comfort her that badly. After all, it was him who made her cry.

"Shhhh... It's alright," he softly whispered.

"No! I thought you were..."

The phone inside the woman's bag suddenly rang which made halted her from crying. She brought it out and hardly hit the screen with her hand.

"Yah! Why is this bastard not working? Damn it! " she muttered to herself.

The man just looked at her plainly and seemed to be fazed with her actions.

"Aha! It finally worked!"

Her loud voice suprised the man and made her realize that she was quite embarrassing. "Hihi! Excuse me... I'll just take this call."

She waited for his nod of approval before turning her back from him.

 _"Yobosaeyo?"_

 _"Go home now you wench!"_

 _"Eomma?"_

The person on the other line yelled which made her put the phone away from her ear, _"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME YOUR MOM? THIS FREAKING BASTARDS KEEP BOTHERING ME BECAUSE OF YOU!"_

 _"You mean those...people I owed money from? Omo! I'll be right there!"_

 _"You better go home now!"_

After the call, she immediately stood up and bowed her head down. "Forgive me mister, if I can't stay here for a longer time. I really need to go now. If I don't, I'll definitely be dead. Mianhamnida! Will you be fine alone?"

He unknowingly nodded his head and became speechless. All the questions inside his head were stuck. He wanted to say something, yet nothing comes out.

The woman was supposed to walk back, but he held her hand.

"Wae...waeyo?"

"Uh... Eopseum... You can go now."

She released her hand from his hold before she bowed her head once again and left.

He sadly muttered, "Wha... What is your name?"

A group of men in black suits and glasses with a man with quite different clothes than them ran towards him and said, "Doryeon-nim!"

"Doryeon-nim?"

"What happened Sir?"

"Who are you?"

"Doryeon-nim, what are you saying?"

"I don't understand...I just don't..."

His words were cut off as he weakly fainted.

"Doryeon-nim!"

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-/-

 _[A/N] Correction of typo errors would be done next time. I'll appreciate it if you'll help me locate them. Feel free to give your comments, violent reactions and feedbacks. Kamsa hamnida 😉._


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